12 Great Moments In “Self-Gratification”
Thursday, May 17th, 2007
Ah, yes…the wonderful past time of “self-gratification”. What would we do without it? It relieves tension, it calms the nerves, it cures insomnia, it keeps men and women alike from cheating on their spouses.
Here are some of masturbation’s most memorable moments I could find. Enjoy. Then go rub one out and take a nap.
(Most may be NSFW, some are definitely NSFW.)
1.Vince Vaughn
Wedding Crashers
2. A Hottie
Private Parts
3. Ben Stiller
There’s Something About Mary
4. Kim Basinger
9 1/2 Weeks
5. Azamat Bagatov
Borat: Cultural Learnings…
Borat Fights Naked With His Friend Azamat - Watch a funny movie here
6. Cecile de France
High Tension
7. Kevin Spacey
American Beauty
True story: My grandmother had to have outpatient surgery and I had to go stay with her the night after in case she needed anything. She asked me to go rent a movie for us to watch. All I knew about American Beauty was that it had won best picture that year. I rented it thinking the Academy Award winner for best picture would surely be a good movie one could watch with his grandmother. That was over ten years ago and to this day she never fails to bring up the time I “rented her a pornographic movie with the fella touching himself”. (Note: This is not the clip of the masturbation scene. Who wants to see that? I would much rather see the object of his desire.)
8. Sharon Stone
Sliver
Sharon Stone - Awesome video clips here
9. Courtney Cox
Dirt
10. The Contest
Seinfeld
10.2 The Contest II
Seinfeld
11. Miggs
Silence of the Lambs
You have to wait about seven minutes for it, but it’s worth it. Relax and watch some Hannibal Lector goodness.
12. Judge Reinhold
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High - Click here for more amazing videos
UPDATED
THE ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE SECTION!
13. Grandma’s Boy
How is it that I have never seen this movie??
Grandma’s Boy - The best video clips are right here
14. SS - I spent more time yesterday looking for that Naomi Watts clip than I did drinking.
15. Shannon Elizabeth
American Pie
Moses, you are so right. I was looking at this clip then got distracted by side links and completely forgot about it…so here it is. Plus this video has about two extra minutes of Shannon Elizabeth goodness tacked onto the end, including being murdered naked in the bath tub by a snowman. That should make up for the oversight.
Shannon Elizabeth Hot Videos - Funny videos are here
Make sure that budding gangsta in the family gets a healthy start to his day...
How do you make Human Tetris even better? The same way you make everything better, of course. 
Hockey is like NASCAR to me. The only thing good about car racing are the wrecks and the only thing interesting to me about hockey are 
Whatever happened to the good ole' days when a harmless wife-spanking was not only NOT frowned upon but also used to sell coffee? 
May 17th, 2007 at 2:30 am
Aww, come on.
Allen Covert in “Grandma’s Boy” should easily replace Seinfeld’s #10 spot. Or at LEAST make honorable mention.
(I’m surprised there isn’t a clip of it on youtube.)
May 17th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
What about Mac from super troopers????
May 17th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I’d like to remind you that any definition you can find of “Self gratification” will probably include something about doing it to yourself. Unlike the number one clip in this countdown, where Vince Vaughn is doing nothing to himself. Perhaps a little thinking is in order next time you post something on the Internet.
May 17th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Age and Moose: Send the clips and I’ll add them. I was surprised how hard masturbation clips were to find on YouTube. Too racy I guess, thus the Metacafe (which is better anyway, since it shows all the goods!)
Drew: What amazes me the most is that it bothers you enough to bring it up. But if you must know, I had originally titled the Great Moments in Masturbation, but changed it at the last minute because I didn’t want a huge green “Masturbation” screaming at people. My deepest apologies to you sir.
May 17th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
No Shannon Elizabeth from American Pie? That should be way up there
May 17th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
what about Naomi Watts in Mulholland Dr.?
May 17th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
how could GRANDMAS BOY not have been even mentioned in this top ten? that might “single handedly” be the funniest orgasm in cinematic history!
May 17th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Shirly McClaine in Being there HAS to be included on this list! Anyone under 30 hasn’t seen the film, but it’s by far funnier than any of these other clips. Check it out.