Thursday, March 8th, 2007
On the phone with girl in marketing:
“So after I get the shots of the model with product is there anything else we need?”
“Maybe just get some generic mood shots.”
“What?”
“Get some mood shots to kill the rest of the time.”
“OOOHH, shit..mood. I could have sworn you said nude.”
“Yeah, you wish.”
“Of course I do, but I was actually thinking that might be a problem because I didn’t tell her we would need nude shots when we hired her.”
Talking to the photographer immediately after the phone call:
“Man, I really thought she said to get some nude shots.”
“That would have made my day.”
“Yes, it would, but I could just imagine her reaction if she got here and we said it was time for the nude shots. She was a little nervous that the job was legit anyway since she found it through an internet advertisement.”
“I doubt it, these models are used to that shit. They’ll take off their clothes at the drop of a hat.”
Later that afternoon talking to the model:
“Ok, these are the clothes they want you to wear for the first shot. There’s a bathroom right around the..Whoa..Hey…Um, WOW…Ok, then…Nevermind…”
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
I have noticed an alarming number of people around my little community have taken up that French(?) double-cheek-kiss thing.
Maybe I just don’t understand. I’ll freely admit I’m just a redneck at heart. Don’t get me wrong, though, I am a housebroken redneck. I’m nothing like these two fine upstanding citizens.
(Found on Break.com)
Oh, I can perform and play socialite if I have to, but upon close inspection you will see that I am faking. You will never, never see me with a glass of wine - beer only. My socks don’t match and one is always inside out (there’s a reason for that I may tell you about one day). And according to Winter, my tie doesn’t match.
But the double-cheek-kiss seems so pretentious to me. Unless you’re a model, an actor, a rich socialite, trapped in a rich socialite setting or gay then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
As a matter of fact, the only time I have ever been given the DCK, as I like to call it, it came from a model. As she leaned in I wasn’t sure what the hell she was doing at first. I had an angel on one shoulder saying, “Dude, your married,” and the devil on the other shoulder saying, “She’s a model,” and “Yeah, dude, you’re married.”
It was very unnerving to me.
When the make-up artist came to shake my hand immediately after that I assumed we were going to do the DCK as well. I think I was mistaken. I’m not sure but I had that same awkward feeling as the time I leaned in to kiss Hope Angelo in the woods for my first-ever tongue-kiss. The sensation where I realized that she didn’t really want to kiss, but by the time she realized what was going on we were well past the point of no return.
The girl who gave me the DCK was a model, though, so she had carte blance to double-cheek-kiss anyone. What I really have issues with are the “normal” people who do the DCK. Especially if it’s not something they’ve always done. If it’s one of those things they just pick up to try to look more sophisticated than they really are.
Take for instance, someone you’ve known for approximately a year breaks that shit out at a soccer picnic all of a sudden, after never having done it before…that’s the kind of “hypothetical” situation I’m referring to. “Hypothetically speaking” it’s not like this person springs that shit on you at a high-society event like a formal cocktail party, a wedding, a presidential inauguration, or a gangbang. No, I’m talking about a picnic.
I’m referring to the guy giving out the DCK with a relish-and-mustard-covered hot dog served up on a paper plate with a side of pork ‘n’ beans in one hand and a plastic cup of watered down Diet Pepsi in the other.
Sorry, but that doesn’t make you sophisticated, it makes you a fucking idiot trying to be sophisticated.
But that’s just the opinion of southern boy who prefers Bud Light and thinks that if he doesn’t wear his left sock inside-out something very bad will happen to him. So take it for what it’s worth.
Note to King Louie, Darth Jager and JJcram…If you try to double-cheek-kiss me the next time we hang out…I will “Ong Bak” your ass.
Note to Ladies…freely double-cheek-kiss me all you would like. I won’t “Ong Bak” you, but I will almost definitely try to slip you the tongue.
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
I was in the bathroom at a restaurant the other night (standing, not sitting). As I took care of business I was reading all the clever little euphimisms that elegantly adorned the wall. Such heart-warming and well thought out poems such as, “fuck you†and “no fuck you†and, of course, “for a good time calll xxx-xxxxâ€.
Since I got a busy signal I really started thinking about all those fortunate women whose name and number graced bathroom stalls all across America and presumably the world. I thought about Jenny, whose name accompanied a particularly intriguing message about good head. I thought about the thousands of men who would see her name and number.
This was a popular restaurant so I would venture to speculate that at least 1000 men a week see that number. I would further speculate that out of those one thousand men at least 1% will actually call Jenny. That’s 100 calls a week.
Seeing how Jenny is most likely a victim of slander, I really do feel sorry for her. She’ll either have to change her number or just go ahead and become a prostitute. Just imagine if he put her address like this guy did on the dvd’s he distributed of his ex-girlfriend performing sexual acts.
On the flip side, out of the thousands of names and numbers on bathroom walls around the country, I think it would be safe to assume that at least 1% of those women actually do give good head and are willing to perform on at least one of the 1% of men who will actually dial number.
I wonder what the odds are that the 1% of callers actually connect with the 1% of willing participants?
I ask you, internet, have you ever called the number? Have you ever had your number scrawled on the wall?
Please share.
The funniest thing I ever saw written on a bathroom wall was this:
“I fucked your mother”
“Shut up dad, you’re drunk again”
Monday, March 5th, 2007
Mother-In-Law: I would have been here sooner but I was so tired I pulled over and slept for about an hour and a half.
Me: You pulled over and slept on the side of the road?
M.I.L.: Yeah, I was tired.
Me: You don’t think that’s a little weird, not to mention dangerous?
M.I.L.:Â It’s more dangerous to fall asleep while you’re driving.
Me: I guess so, yeah.
M.I.L.: It’s not a good idea to find yourself waking up if you’re driving
Me: Actually I think it’s probably a great idea to wake up if you’re driving.
Abbreviating mother-in-law was almost too close to MILF for me to even be able to type. In the end, laziness won out over the fear of nightmares that will most likely occur for associating those two acronyms.
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
UPDATE: I *think* I may have found the problem. If you are running Internet Explorer 6, comment or shoot me an email and let me know if the content is where it is supposed to be. At the very least it’s working in IE 5 on a Mac anyway.
It came to my attention on Sunday that my site has been all effed up in Explorer 6 at least since Friday. Everything is fine in Firefox, Safari and Explorer 7. I have no idea what’s caused it, and I don’t really know how to fix it.
I’ve seen it do this before. In the past when I would sometimes add photos to a post, all the contents of the post would be pushed to the bottom of the sidebar. It hasn’t done it in a while and even when it did do it all I had to do to fix it was delete the pictures from the post and re-insert them. In my efforts to solve the problem this time, I deleted all the posts from last week which is why you’ll see that all the comments from the past few posts are gone. Sorry about that. But obviously that wasn’t what was causing it this time.
Over the past two weeks I have done a ton of work on the backend of the site. I can only assume that in the process I did something that caused it to go wacky for IE6. So unless somebody out there knows how to fix the problem and can give me some direction I guess I’m just screwed. Sorry to anyone still using IE6, but I guess that’s just the way it’s going to be.
